Enjoy Our 3 Winning Entries Below

1️⃣ A Beautiful Memory

Picture this: it’s DC in the spring at the peak of the cherry blossoms bloom. My older sister and brother-in-law, who has been in my life since I was a child and had always been a role model for morals and ethics, had decided to make a trip up from Florida. Unfortunately, having recently been diagnosed with cancer was having a hard time trying to stay strong for his children and needed a peaceful retreat. I can still remember meeting them at the AMTRAK station, eating a couple of special brownies, and riding the trains into DC while watching the flowing fields pass by.

The weather was as perfect as it could've been, warm but not hot, with enough breeze to have the cherry blossoms flowing around us as if a soft pink rainstorm raged around us. Every time I think about my late brother-in-law, I still remember the beauty of that day, and it reminds me just how amazing a simple day can be with family, flowers, and a couple of good brownies.

2️⃣ A Clutch Save

When I was 16 I went to visit my cousin at an Ivy league college and he took me to a showing of Rocky Horror Picture Show which was new at the time. It was shown in  a classroom on the first floor of one of the buildings. We got there and sat in the back in the window sills. Some guy broke out a joint. Not just a normal joint....a huge joint rolled on those papers that came with the Cheech and Chong records.

He passed it around and when it got to me the guys egged me on to take a big hit. Now I'm just 16 and new to smoking but I took a big hit anyway. So I get a buzz, get dizzy and fall out the window into the bushes. They cheer me cause when they all look to see what happened all they can see is my arm sticking straight up holding the joint. Yes I fell but saved the joint. They pulled me back in and I got free booze all weekend.

3️⃣ Classic Sketchy High School Story (Long But Worth It)

This was the first time I ever smoked weed. I worked at a restaurant as a dishwasher and a guy who worked the cookline was always trying to get me to go out with him. I was 17 but didn't have a car yet. I was outside after our shift waiting on my ride. Guy who worked the cookline, Mike, walks out says good night, gets into his car, does a burnout in the gravel and heads to the parking lot exit. He hits the exit, throws it in reverse, backs up right in front of me, and from the open window practically yells, "Hey, wanna smoke week tonight?"

I'm shocked. I look left and look right, there's no one around. I'm not really wanting to so I tell him I'm waiting on my ride. He says, it's cool, I'll wait. He parks and then comes and stands next to me under the awning.

I'm pretty sure my mom is going to not go for this. Eventually she shows up and I tell him wait here, I'll go ask. If I was smarter, I would have told her I didn't want to go, but I was putting too much confidence in my mom's strict no-nonsense manner. So I ask if I can crash at his place and ride to work with him in the morning. She says tell him to come over. Mike is a nutcase, so I know this will seal the deal. He starts walking over and it's like a transition happens halfway and he's suddenly a normal person with good posture and not saying fuck every third word. He walks up and says, "Good evening, ma'am." I've never heard him say any of those words let alone in that order. My mom smiles real big and says you boys have fun. My mom drives off and my heart sinks. I really didn't want to do this.

We get in his car. We drive out into the boonies. We pick up some dude who's name I can't quite remember, it was DJ, AJ, or something with a two letters and a J. We drive back into town to see if the pool hall was still open. It wasn't. Mike says we're going back to this place. At a red light, a hand appears from the back holding a pipe and a full packed bowl. Apparently I'm the first one up. So I do what I've seen in movies. Light the bowl, inhale, hold, exhale. We pass it around for a little bit, all the while Mike is still driving into the vast unknown. All the while, I'm feeling nothing. I even ask, I'm doing this right, right? They told me it was creeper weed and it'll hit ya in a bit.

We arrive at Mike's place and he has his own trailer somehow. I get out of the car and step on the first step of his porch and I suddenly can't feel my feet. The creeper had shown up. We walk inside and I go to the bathroom. I hear all kinds of weird noises and lean out the bathroom door (very small bathroom) and see Mike going psycho on a big block of ice with a butter knife. If I wasn't so high, I would have freaked out.

I finish up and walk out and I remember I was supposed to call my mom once I got there. The paranoia hits like a mack truck. Mike tells me he'll coach me. I managed to call and keep it together. I tell her we're just gonna watch a couple movies and then go to bed. I hang up and Mike is laughing telling me I about lost it.

Then he throws pulls down on the floor and is like get comfy. He pulls out a tall, like 3 foot tall novelty alien cup that he said he got from Boomsday which he has converted into a bog with the carb being in the alien's bellybutton. We smoke out of that for a bit. Mike then says, forget this. I'm gonna get my girlfriends bong. He gets a bong from inside the fridge and set that down. He packs that one and we smoke out of it. At this point, I'm barely conscious. He gets up again, and says forget this, I'm getting my grandma's bong. He pulls this bong down that looks like a bowling ball with a neck. We smoke out of that and I get up and fall in a chair and fall asleep for a bit. I wake up and Mike and DJ(?) are in the kitchen making food. Mike has made spaghetti but then mentions he has no forks. They literally eat spaghetti with sauce with their bare hands. I fake like I'm asleep still. From there it's a blur of DJ playing N64 Doom and saying F U every second for like 10 minutes. From somewhere another dude has shown up. He says nothing but just smokes weed and sits there. Mike pulls out a drumset one piece at a time, setting it up as he goes. Once it's all set up, he hits it once, and then begins to disassemble it and put it away.

I felt like my head was huge and if I moved I would tip the chair over. I kept playing possum.

Eventually, it gets quiet for a while. I figure they're going to sleep and now I can sleep for real. Not the case. Dj starts telling Mike that he needs to take him home. Mike says he's couchbound. Dj keeps pestering him that he needs to go. He finally tells Mike that he'll call his parents and they'll meet him halfway at a gas station. DJ picks up Mikes home phone, I swear dials like 4 numbers and then starts talking. I was like, dude did not call anybody but I'm "asleep" so I can't say anything. He tells Mike his parents will meet him at this specific gas station. Mike is still not going for it. DJ pesters him for probably another 30 min solid and Mike finally relents. I think to myself, "Sucks to be those guys". As Mike is walking out the door, he taps me on the shoulder, "waking" me up. "Hey man, I need you to ride with." Oh crap.

I don't really remember getting into the car so much as somehow falling into the backseat. I laid there the whole time just watching the night sky out the back windshield.

We get to the gas station and DJ tells Mike that a coke will perk him up. I thought to myself I never knew a soda could perk someone stone outta their gourd, guess you learn something everyday.

We go inside, and the gas station clerk asks DJ if he wants his usual 12 pack of Natty Ice. This guy is way under 21 and I look at him in utter amazement despite knowing we're out here under false pretenses. We buy sodas and get back in the car. Mike is barely functional. We wait an hour and as you can imagine, no one shows up. DJ then says, I guess they fell back asleep, looks like you gotta drive me home.

Mike drives back into the unknown and drops the dude off and asks me to sit shotgun. We are driving back and suddenly Mike lets the car come to a stop. He says he can't drive anymore. I didn't have a car and as such only had a learner's permit. I tell him this and he says I gotta do the best I can. So we swap places and I start driving asking Mike to tell me where to turn. I've no idea where we are let alone how to get back to Mike's from here. He gives me basic directions, but starts to fall asleep. I start smacking his arm to wake him up.

We manage to keep going and I look back and there's a car riding the back of the car, something fierce. I make the comment that this guy needs to get off my butt. Mike replies, "It's probably the cops". I tell Mike to shut up with stuff.  

Maybe five minutes later, I get the blue lights. Yup, we were getting pulled over and I was going to jail. At least that's what I felt.

I tell Mike to put his hands on the dash and he starts getting lippy so I tell him again only a lot louder. He does. I keep my hands on the wheel until the cop walks up and taps on the window. I start to roll it down and nothing happens. I panic. Mike leans over and says, "That one's broken. You gotta come over here". I didn't think my heart could drop any further, but it went down like ten more stories. The cop walks to his side, Mike rolls down the window and like an idiot says, "Yeah, this one works. What's up?"

We're dead.

The cop asks if we've been drinking. We say no. He asks if we've been smoking dope. For some reason we both pause and then say no. The cop says he thinks we're feeding him a line of bull and asks us to step out of the car. He has us lean against the back of Mike's car. We give him our ids and he asks if we have any warrants. I say no and Mike says maybe, but probably no. Another five story drop.

He calls in our ids, Mike's is clean but mine comes back as a driver permit. The cop asks us if we know how this works? Mike chimes in, yeah, as long as an adult is in the car, the permit holder is allowed to drive. There was the transition again. He sounded sober and mentally sound. The cop explains that it has to be a parent or guardian, but it's okay because he didn't know that either. Whew! I took in a breath that could have floated a hot air balloon.

He then asks why we're out. Again, Mike jumps in and tells him he just got his trailer and the water isn't hooked up and it's really hot, so we couldn't sleep and went to go buy drinks at the gas station. I say our drinks are in the back. Not that that's super helpful, I'm sure.

The cop asks whose car this is. Mike says it's his. The cop then asks why he is driving, pointing at me. Mike said he's got a cold and took a bunch of Nyquil not realizing that it makes you drowsy, so he asked me to drive to be safe. The cop then asks if I realized I was swerving and stopped about four car lengths from the stop sign. I told him I was unfamiliar with Mike's car and I also just got brand new glasses so I was having a tough time.

The cop then asks if he can search the car. Mike says sure, want me to pop the trunk? I whisper to Mike to shut up. The cop says no, that' sokay. He then tells us to sit on the hood of his car while he waits for another cruiser. Maybe 7 minutes later, four other cop cars show up, and there's cops crawling all over Mike's car. At one point, one of the cops is looking straight down with a flashlight in the back seat. DJ mentioned way earlier that he ashed all over the back seat. I figure this is it. We got close to getting away with it, but evidence sealed our fate.

Meanwhile, Mike's chatting up the officer by us about the weather. The group of cops come out of the car. Huddle up for a minute and then tell the officer by us to come over. I'm mentally practicing my one phone call to my mom, "I didn't know there was drugs in the car, I didn't know..."

The cops break up the huddle and the officer that's been talking to us the whole time comes back. I'll never forget what he said as long as I live. "We didn't find anything in the car. Secondly, I would like to commend you for driving this young man home. Where do you live?"

Mike not missing a beat says, "Three rights and a left from here".

The cop nods and says "Get this young man home." I tell him yes sir and we hope in the car, I use my turn signal to turn and then we're back on the road. We can't stop talking about how we should have gone to jail but didn't. We get back to Mike's place and I'm about to doze on the couch when Mike comes back into the living room to tell me DJ packed a bowl before he left. I should have sworn off weed then and there, but I said okay, one before bed.

The next day at work, after the breakfast rush had died down, I was mopping the floor and Mike came over and says, "Dude, you almost got us busted last night". I was instantly furious, I said me?! You were the one making small talk with the cop. Mike then told me, "No, dude. You told the cop you had brand new spectacles." I told Mike he was high and imagined that. Mike said, "Dude. Look at me. Do you think that word is in my vocabulary."

And that's my story. Hope you get some laughs.

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